there are times when you feel as if you're at a crossroads in life. there lies two paths in front of you, and to walk through one is to negate the chance of ever venturing into the other. you tend to want to wait, for some sign, as to which way to go. you analyze, contemplate the possibilities - all on the premise that you actually know what lies at the end of each of these roads. however, more often than not, we actually don't know what lies out there. isn't it thus futile to even venture a guess as to how life might turn out if a certain path is chosen?
i'm not being fatalistic and meaning to say that trying to decide is dumb. rather, i'm saying that over-working your brain with limited information is of no use. your brain would tend to fabricate information that it needs for you to reach a particular conclusion. and us being emotional, would tend to ignore the fact that such key "information" is what we base our decisions. ideally, we would like to sit at the crossroads and sip a cup of coffee. wait. but we don't have an ideal world - we get tossed around by the dynamic elements of our lives. we often have but a split second to decide on something that may alter our lives forever. sounds too dramatic i guess, but didn't you ever have such a moment? i don't mean deciding to swerve the car at the very last moment to avoid an impact - that's instinct. but lets say the decision to switch jobs. it occurs well before you actually put in your resignation. or deciding to ask someone out. i believe every decision we take has to progress through a labyrinth in our brain before we get the "GO" signal. but we don't always get ample time to reach the logical conclusion - our thought processes are cut short.
right now, i'm faced with just such a situation. and being the arrogant fool that i am, i've decided not to decide. not yet. not this time. in my mind, i'm visualizing a series of dominoes falling, and then this one irksome piece, not toppling like it is supposed to. and then it occurs to me - dominoes don't just fall. a force needs to be applied to the first piece of the train. so now that i've decided to stand still and not topple, who is to say that i can find the push when i decide to move forward?
i am being very apprehensive right now about my life, and am thoroughly confused. figured it might be a good idea to try spread the confusion!
